Veronica decides to die

Veronica once again knows what freedom is all about. At least for a day she was out of cage of duty and relationships and lives with confidence. She is happy when she returned from nature
Her spirit is now fearless. She once again can feel the madness inside her. Entire life she has been criticized by the wise about her madness. People goes to mountain, jungle and all the serene place to enjoy the beauty. Did you ever notice a hilly river or a stormy night? That is called beauty in the madness. They are the rare ones who may understand it and see her beauty in madness. How can a river be confined by a dam, may be just to exploit the river every way for the selfish need? Otherwise a flowing river can also put to life an infertile land. What is then the need of confined her, just because of selfish need and greed? River dies that very day it is confined. Rest is flowing and complete a weak journey in the sake of completing it. Whenever she finds some water on her way and tries to rejuvenate herself or if she gathers some flow, some other dam will be created in front of her!
Veronica knows that she lost all her beauty and energy (read Love) for baggage she carried through out. Partly she herself is also responsible. We all carry luggage during journey of life, some put it in the check in luggage and travel freely while others carry all the luggage with them with tension over their head. She too carries many unnecessary luggage by herself. Everything including her spiritual quest may be only an illusion or may be another luggage given by the society!
Her body and the energy / love she once started with, now has declined a lot to continue for long and she knows there will always be someone sitting in the heaven conspiring against her all attempts to live a life of her own choices.
Veronica decides to call her last lover whom she hated all her life and pushed away. It is all about ending. She will wait for Death to come; she is ready to joyfully approve him for the first time as she knows he is the only one who will keep his promise .He waited patiently for her, and will meet her in the juncture of day and night to embrace her and put her to a peaceful sleep .

( Photograph taken from net and name after famous novel of Paulo Coelho) 

 A Letter to  my Pal (for those people who has time to pause and read )

Do not die before time
You told me  my friend ,
As you constantly  ask how I am in most of the  days .
Perhaps you are the only one
Who had  peeped through my eyes and found that same girl like you .
Wearing always a  face of wisdom and sanity,
Duties and promises,
Light and hopes
Mother's ,wife , daughter
Qualities to be maintained by an educated woman .
But what about the girl inside! 
Evergreen , enchanting hearts , full of dreams, some pains  but more of love
Friend don't you feel we need to go to a trip to the city of  cemetery of lost  dreams.
Where dreams and part of hearts are buried, but you know that dead dream s and dead hearts can never rest in peace !
They haunt us often when we  are alone ,
call us from  the distant mystery  land .

I feel eternal Father calling us to go out amidst of all  roles we play  to collect the missing pieces of our souls ,
Discovering ourselves once again , through the  mirror of time
Rejuvenating to youthfulness
Which we lost along the journey of life .
We have to visit there for one last time
Before Home coming forever . 

The story of queen of heart ( land of cards ): a metamorphic folk tale.

Once upon a time at somewhere on this planet there was a wonderful land.it was land of cards. The card people lived there. They were divided into four suits.
1 The Diamonds
2. The Clubs
3. The Spades
4. The Hearts.
Till the age of 14 years these cards were not told their identity and they enjoyed themselves without knowing their responsibilities. Then after 14 years the day arrived when these cards were separated. They were assembled in front of magnificent mirror known as Mirror of Truth. It was a saying from ages that the mirror never lies. The reflection of the little cards were reflected in the mirror and the mirror would decide that to which suit each card belonged . All type of cards should possess some typical type of virtues. The rule is so firm for each suits of card, nobody could disobey the rules. Card could not believe anything other than the Truth of magical mirror.
Diamond cards were to be the wisest cards and their crowns were of pure white diamonds. They should be the happiest and wise cards. They used to study, sit, discuss, analyse every phenomenon, like why the stars are shining, why the sun rises, why moon sets at horizon, why seasons comes and goes etc. They knew every universal truth. They stayed at high mountains and in a big white marble castle.
Then there were club cards. They carried a black wand in their hands. They took care of rules and laws of the land, whether other cards were performing their duties or not.
Spade cards are most busy. They worked day and night for the card land, they made arrangement for all the cards and generated prosperity of the land.
Now there were cards that were known as Heart cards. All of them carried magic liven-er called “Love” and “a big Red heart” which is clearly visible from a distant with them. They were called upon by all cards in the time of any distress and emergencies .They had to sort their problems with the magical tonic called “Love”. The rule was that, each time after sorting the other card’s problems, they had to break the big red heart they carried with them and then return and fix it again with the same magic tonic “Love”.
The rules were perfectly followed by the cards for many years……….

There was a little card among the cards who used to felt that she knew the secret of flying but never dare to tell the cards what she felt.
Then this little card reached at age of 14 and brought in front of the “Magic Mirror “. The Reflection was of a young beautiful Queen with the cup of magic tonic “Love “and a big red heart on the other hand . The Cards were happy and they celebrated as they have found “THE QUEEN OF HEART””. Since then she became the “Queen of Heart . She was also mesmerized by her new found status and attention of all other cards. And she was engrossed in her new found duties.
“Queen of heart “used to rush to every other cards male or female. Old and young, cryptic or sad with her magical tonic “LOVE “ and continued to sort out all their problems . But she had to follow the rule after sorting a problem, she had to lie down and used to gaze the sky above with a deep breathe , broke the red big heart . If she ever felt happy and floating … she remembered the rule “HEART SINKS, HEART CAN NOT fly”!!!
But was confused sometimes that why she felt that she can fly
Days passed , months passed , year passed … land of cards were same as ever, so the Queen of hearts.
One day after fixing a big problem she lied down with sadness for long … all the cards became so anxious … the case was directed to the Diamond cards . They analysed and analysed , gave her so many remedies. Even they took her to the high mountain. But she could not fix Big red heart with that magic tonic “Love”’ .
One day how ever she felt like travelling . She took a walk. She was walking and walking still she reached at the border of land .
She found a young man was relaxing under a Tree . She felt like talking to him . She came to him and asked Him “Who are You ? which card you are “.
Man replied “ME? I am not a card , I am a shepherd “.
Queen asked “who is a shepherded, what was your duty ?

Man said “well I have no duties as such , I used to roam through all lands and take care of the animals , I have no fixed home ,no wish and nothing!!! But who are you ? “.

Queen explained that she was queen of hearts , most desired in the land of cards and what was her duties . But now she was not able to fix the heart .

Shepherd replied “Do you want to know a secret? “
Queen replied “Yes, what is the secret “?
Shepherd said “ can you give up the magic tonic you carry “?

Queen “How can I “?
Shepherd tell “ then I will not tell you the secret”?
Queen said “ OK I give up the magic tonic “LOVE”. Now what is that secret “
Shepherd came near the Queen and whispered in her ear “ In summer , go where the water is.”
Queen was surprised “what is that “?

Shepherd said “This is the secret”

And woke up and told the queen “Now it is the time to go “. He took the magic tonic and sipped it all and went with the animals.
Queen was puzzled, more worried as she had given the magic tonic to the shepherd . She was left with only a big broken heart.
She was thirsty and it it was a summer afternoon and she walked little longer and heard the sound of flowing water near by . It was clear water ,a flowing river . Queen came near that and sipped water. Suddenly she noticed her reflection on the water . IT was no queen of Heart “. It was a beautiful Parrot with many colours in it !!!….
Parrot saw herself , spread her wings and flew in the sky .
In the evening the cards came there in search of their “queen of heart “. There was no trace of the queen of heart … but a broken Red heart was lying there . Cards took it and made a beautiful tomb in the loving memory of their beloved queen of heart .
In another land shepherd was moving with his animals , perhaps he was singing something . A parrot came to him and sat on his shoulder , touch his face … both were happy to see each other . Then parrot again winged for the sky and the shepherd waved his hands .

Letter to anonymous

"Flow comes and goes automatically," a friend told me during a chat when I was trying to explain why I had stopped writing blogs.

I was wondering if I have lost the flow of words or if I have lost the flow of emotions. Like everyone else, I also go through various feelings during a day. Some emotions last a long time, while others fade away too quickly. But there is no such feeling that wraps me throughout the day like a piece of "pasmina." I'm no longer dealing with such feelings. There is not much to say.

Perhaps it was the magic of "that time" when flows used to come automatically.

I floated with your words, living each moment with the magic created by interaction with you. The sun beam, the wind, a smiling flower on the roadside, and my day-to-day work all appeared to be alive and beautiful. I started to express in writing and poetry my joy at the magic created by our interaction and how everything looked so alive and beautiful. I started to express in writing my joy, my sadness, the moments I cherished, the moments that I lived, the moments that my heart broke, and the dreams that I carried.

It could have been a bright March, a lazy May, a rainy and windy July, or a cloudy full moon night in August...

Flow gradually takes over... River froze. It is now snowing in December. Life is not even black and white; it is grey with reality. Clam, mighty and elegant, but still magical, with all its silence between You and Me. 

.

CUP OF LOVE

Let me enjoy the cup you offered brimming with love,slowly
Let me get intoxicated sipping it unhurriedly.

You came into my life,

when it was abandoned by life itself,

& stood like ruins.

You laid the foundation of love,gradually,

brick by brick,

consisting of patience & devotion.

The walls had gathered moss & had lost their lustre

your deft strokes left multitudinous colors on them

The doors to my heart were sealed by fate

yet you could pass through them as ether passes through everything

You let open the windows of my mind

&filled me with thoughts of happiness, long forgotten.

No one, except me, can understand you,

because all wanted to tether you & enslave you to their emotions.

I gave you the gift of freedom,

to think & act like a child,

leaving me smiling...

TEARDROPS FROM CANDLE

Marks of Teardrops from the candle

have still remained on the table

reminding me of the time well spent

A sharp knife could not erase those marks completely

leaving a scar or two on the table

You left them to fester, to remain forever

to awaken your

& the pain along with.

Why did you blow the candle of my life & walk away?

ME AND YOU

A rock in expressionless unless a sculptor chisels his way through to produce the most exquisite idols.I am the Rock & You are the sculptor of my life.Water too is colorless & expressionlessunless a painter splashes colors in to make it vivid.I am water and you are the painter of my life.A flower can bring fragrance but it has to wait for the bee to bear fruit.I am the flower and you are the bee of my life.Earth remains barren even when it has been watered, Till sun shines and life sprouts out of it.I am earth & you the Sun of my life.I need you to bring myself to life..

Life in a desert is difficultIt is hot humid and desolate most of the timesit gets cold at timerains are seldomNowadays there has been a cloud,when it came first, I wondered it is like any other ball of wool in the sky - which vanishes as fast as it appearsthis stayedgave shadesometimes rainedbrought in reliefmaybe it wants to remain herei do not know why it sticks to a barren desertthere is nothing exciting & enchanting like the hills and valleys where clouds playmay be it is determined to change the desert to green.Maybe it will succeed

A tree & a bird - a story

There was this tree on a barren hillock. All gnarled almost old and defeated by age, time & seasons. It was far from the village too.Most of the place was rocky - so there was very little greenery except for a few shrubs that defiantly grew beside it to give it company. Even the leaves on the tree were minimal like the hairs on a bald pate. Few & far between.No one frequented the tree - no children, no squirrels, or any other animals, no birds - not even a bat. The tree was happy by itself. It enjoyed its solitude. It had no choice either. Almost all had deserted it. Infrequently some birds flying long distances would swoop down & settle on its rickety branches. Some stayed for a few days while others for a few moments. They came, they saw, the shared some of their concerns , but ultimately they all flew their way.Then one day, all of a sudden a bird came and settled down on its branches. It was not interested in leaving the tree. The tree thought that this is another tired passerby seeking refuge for a few moments - to depart after a few days.But, as if magic, the bird stuck to the tree. The tree noticed that the one of the wings was broken. the bird started to talk to the tree. The conversation was chirpy - interesting & at times demanding. The tree was indeed confused, but let it be there & listened to all the chatter and enjoyed it. They exchanged experiences. They also found some common ground.Time went by - from a few months to a year and later to two years. In between, the tree had also shooed the bird away. The bird had grown its broken wing - got strength & could fly. It could go far distances, but it always came back. The bird wanted the tree to grow - grow taller - reach out - may be to the sky. Grow green shoots so that the world could come and nestle on it. But nothing like this happened. This was one of the main reasons why the bird & the tree would find difference of opinion & would disagree. The tree was happy by itself and it was in its own world. The bird, as usual, was a high flyer, beautiful, attractive and had many suitors. It wanted to go ahead in life.So, the bird one day said - I wanted you to decide -whether you will grow with me or not? The tree said - I have gone past that age & I am happy & contented the way I am. The bird then said - then I have to leave you -to fly & go to distant lands.I want to see the world & be a part of it. I cannot live in isolation like this. The tree merely listened to this friendly banter. Then it said - you came on your own, you settled by me & now you want to go. I am happy the way things are - when you were not there, when you are here and when you will leave. The choice is yours. To live here or to go - maintaining status quo.The bird thought and said -no I want to fly. I want to see & conquer the world. I want to enjoy life - the way I want. The tree said - OK your wish. It was nice you passed by me - stayed with me and gave me company. I shall remember that always. My past experience and my roots do not allow me to grow & glow. You are still young and free to go. The bird then flew away chirping by. The tree was happy to hear it go in full happiness. It was not the bird that came some years ago - broken , devastated. This was a new bird - full of enthusiasm for life and verve. The tree prayed silently to God that He should keep the bird happy. It saw the bird vanish into a dot at the far end of the horizon as it flew away to newer destinations.Night came & the tree stood by. The moon shown hesitantly, from behind the clouds. The wind also lost steam and quit blowing. Nothing except the sound of few crickets pierced the darkness. The tree waited for another day. Suddenly, there was a sound of flap of wings - they were distant. They came closer and then someone came and sat on its branches. It was the same bird that flew off in the evening. It was tired. It came and sat down. Then the bird just knocked its beak on the trunk checking of the tree had slept. It had not. The bird nuzzled closer to its trunk & said - I am not going anywhere - my life is with you. You gave me the strength so that i can fly high . With you I shall remain.The moon came to life once again shining bright, the stars sprang from behind the clouds & laid a canopy on their head, the wind started whistling a long forgotten tune , & the crickets chirped acknowledging the love of these two different elements. There was no more darkness left.

SHAAM

एक शाम वो भी हुआ करती थी
जब सरे दोस्त मिल के खेल ते थे,
गिर टी हुई और हास त़ी हुई;
इंतज़ार होती थी हर उस शाम की
कब मिले ,और खूब खेले ,
घर लौट टी थी
मम्मी की सो बार बुलाने पर.

और वो भी एक शाम होती थी
जब पढने बैठ ती थी अपने सर के साथ,
वो विज्ञानं और सवाल की दुनिया में खो जाना
और एक नयी मोती ढूंड पाना किताब की हर एक पन्ने पर.

फिर कुछ शाम असीसे भी थे
जब परिन्दों की घर वापस आना और रंगीन बदोलो को
देखते हुई भविष्य के स्वप्नों माय खो जाना
और ऐसे शाम में जीवन से मिलना
कभी कोई कबिता और कभी रजनी घंधा के खुसबू के साथ.

लेकिन हर वोह शाम, अहेसास दिलाती थी मेरी होने की
जीवन एक आज़ादी और कुछ पूरे साँसों के दुसरे नाम
आज काल शाम अति है चुप के से
सन्नाटो में लिपटी एक अहेसास लेकर

एक और शाम गुजारी हु ज़िंदगी की
खुद से जुद्दा होकर और कुछ अधूरी सांस एक साथ.

safar

Courage, confidence, happiness strength ,nobody can bring it into our lives We need to establish it with touch of faith.

 Ek adhoori si zindegi 

Aur khud se ki gaye Kuch Wade puraney se.

 Dhundhali si ek manzil ko chuna chahati huin 

Sath hai kuch apahez umeedein!!!

Bhahut si rahon chal chuke 

Lekin manzil ka phir bhi nishan nahi. 

Rukney lagti huin, 

Aur apni aks se mil jati huin Kisi tanha mode par. 

Phir ek junoon , 

Phir ek safar Dhundhali si us manzil ko chune ki .

Autumn dream

acchanak kuch aisa khayal aa raha tha
ki main koi door—sare sawaal jawab ke ghere se aage
pankh laga ke nikal chhuka huun..tere saath ,Maya
chup ke se kisi ko khabar bhi nehi hai... !

kuch badal ake chune lage the ,
patharon pe payr rakh ke nadi ko paar kar rehi ho
girti samabhalti haansti hui
mera haath thaame

raat karvat lee
aur jaage huey hum, taaron ko dekhtein hai
chaandni se rooh ko bhigo ke.
kuch sookhee patton ki ahat
aur koi awaz nehi
kuch tez saans ke shor ke siwaay

yuun to bahut si raat jaage the hum
tere saath ki gujarish leke
aaj neend na aana kuch khaas hai
aaj tera panha mil jo gaye.

bhor hone laga hai...
lekin raat ka wo sapna
abhi ankhon se gaya nehi..
naa tere Maya, aur na mere!!!

Journey of a River

Many times I found the life is pulling me back. There are many mistakes done by me. The life , relations, society may pointed out my acts and questioned my often. I felt stressed and try to find out the answer of the question where I am lacking. The severe emotion that I have may be pulling me back!

I asked my self “why I am so?”

People have enough strength and control over their life & why I am not like them”. I was upset with the fact. I tried to find out the answer. And, suddenly someone gave me the answer. “you are not like that because you are like a river. Not like any mountain, rock or any other thing”.

And I understand :

The work of the river is to flow , and never to stop. Till it reaches its final destination of the Supreme Soul, and then merges in it forever, losing its own identity. When the river flows, it is full of life. Wherever it flows though, it gives life, spreads greenery & good cheer. Near its banks we find cities and towns – pulsating with life. How much a river helps in building life. You just have to take a dip in it and it cools not just your body but your mind & soul too.

Boats sail on the river. She helps people to reach their destination. But river cannot be like rock all the time with same strength. Hence sometimes she dries up, looses its rhythm, harmony. But again she fills up with water, gains momentum. Starts flowing with the same joy. Yes sometimes she gets angry also. Destroys its bank, forces of her emotion, blow up the materials from its banks and bed. She becomes heavy with the dirt and soils she destroyed. But after some time again she fills up with water and deposits those soils to some other place to make new banks and reduces her own burden.

The river never keeps account of who benefitted from it, who took advantage of it. If she starts to keep an account, then when will she flow? When will its journey be complete? She has some responsibility for herself, which she is bound to complete. Even if she has to suffer in this journey of life, she continues to march forward with her inner strength. Many a people have dumped garbage in her, corpses have floated in it, burdens have increased, yet she precedes smilingly spreading good cheer. She leaves aside the junk and moves forward with her confidence.
It has innate strength to sink a rock too.
God made me like that and for that purpose. And at the end of the day.. I will finish my journey and merge with Sea ( Anant Jeeveevan)

Pratibimb..

भोर हुई तो देखा तुम्हे एक गुलाब की पंखुड़ी की तरह
जब सूरज उगा , रौशनी चितकी,तो लगी तुम सूरजमुखी की तरह
जब शाम ढली तो देखापुर्निमा की चाँद की तरह
तब मैंने सोचा की मैं क्या हूँ?
मैं हूँ जल की तरह
बदन को दूं ठंडक और आत्मा को निर्मल
समां जाऊं सब मैं
नाम भी न रह जाएगा
बहूँ तुम्हारे साथ या तुम्हे ले कर
समां जाओ मुझे मैन्चंद की तरह
दूर आकाश पर रह कर भी
देखोगे तो मिलगा वोह तुम्हे जल मैं

His wishes

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Unwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
From William Butler Yeats' poem - He wishes for cloths of heaven